So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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