We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
