i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
