Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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