Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
