Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize