he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
