He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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