great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
