Don't you send me to vm
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
