I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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