so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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