How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
