Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
