dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
