all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
