at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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