never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
