Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
