I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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