What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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