My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
