bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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