I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
