Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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