she woke up with a sticky ear
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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