So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
