All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
