but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
