shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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