You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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