And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
