did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
