I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
