You can't special order awesome
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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