So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
