Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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