i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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