i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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