you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
