Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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