i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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