Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
