Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize