That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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