my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Damn victory sex feels great
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
