3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
