Just cropdusted the office
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
two words: eviction party
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize