M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
