He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
