oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
