I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
