Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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