your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
