JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
