***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
