I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
