Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
