I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just want nice things and good sex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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