He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
3 2 1 whiskey
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
