i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
