omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
