I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
