I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
