May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
